Angry single moms! This is a very sensitive topic for me and for some of the women who are close to me. It’s something that I have seen first hand. My lady and partner is a single mom. My mother, for a short period of time, was a single mom until she met my step-dad (aka FATHER!). A few family members and friends have also had the unenviable task of being a single mom or co-parent.
Now I know that you see the title of this post and you think, “Here goes some man trying to criticize single moms.” NOT THE CASE! I also DO NOT feel that deadbeat dads should be given a pass. What I’m trying to address with this post is aimed toward the moms who post the subliminal messages on social media and bash these men to anyone who will listen.
So I’ve had some positive male role models in my life, who have loved me unconditionally & have been there to support and guide me. But I can understand why some women may need to vent about who they chose to have a child with based on what I’ve seen and heard from the single mothers I know.
You are angry; we get it. Out of curiosity, did you not see the man YOU CHOSE to be the father of your child was a little bit of a douche bag? I have a hard time believing that a man just suddenly became an absolute asshole as soon as that little bundle of joy was born. Chances are he was an asshole before the kid was born. You just couldn’t see it because he was always “A Real Nigga.”
Were you completely taken by surprise? Or did you chose to ignore clear signs that the man YOU chose to have a baby with was not fully committed to you and your relationship to begin with. Now with that being said, I do understand that men and women fall in & out of love daily (which is another topic for another time). No relationship is guaranteed to last 50 years (unless it’s ours, right babe? Holds arm up as I try to block the heel). This is about those women who fall in love with that wrong guy. The one you know is wrong but you think you can change him; give him a family and he’ll be the best man and baby daddy ever.
My point is before you rush in to having a baby or run to have that big dream wedding. Take the time to learn about your partner and give your partner a real chance to learn whom you are. The real person! Not the representative that we show everyone at the club or the party wherever it maybe that weekend. Go through tough times and see how you both as a couple and as individuals overcome and grow from those tough times. Do you constantly throw the mistakes in each other’s faces or do you seriously take the time to learn from the ups and downs of a relationship? Do you just sweep a problem under the rug and act like it’s not there? Because it will pop up again GUARANTEED if you do not face it together and fix it. See how he interacts with his family members. Take the time to see how he interacts with his other children (if he has any) and that child’s mother (or those children’s mothers). See how he interacts around children related to you both through other family members. Most importantly LISTEN to that man. Listen to the things he says because there can often be some subliminal messages he is giving you or even straightforward ones. Sometimes he will out right tell you, “I DO NOT WANT A CHILD WITH YOU.” He does not mean the opposite of what he said. He actually means he does not want a child with you. Don’t get pregnant to change his mind or force him to be with you. That won’t work. Take the proper precautions to protect yourself. If you don’t plan ahead all parties involved will suffer.
I don’t believe that all men are strong and confident enough to have that conversation with their woman (sometimes they may be scared of that woman). Also some men just enjoy knowing that they have that woman caught up like that.[su_box title=”Some Signs” style=”glass” box_color=”#b50d0d” title_color=”#ffffff” radius=”10″]If he is in the club every night and calls you at 4:00 AM only, you should not have a child with him. If you know or suspect he is dating several other women, you should not have that baby with him. And quite honestly if he isn’t going to be around for obvious reasons (if you’re from the hood, ya tu sabe), don’t have a baby with him. If you do, just know he may not be ready and that is when Angry Single Moms are created.
But as an adult keep your eyes open and see the signs. As a woman, know your worth and factor in how difficult, especially in this day and age, raising a child on your own can be. Don’t just be enamored with the bottle service and the car he’s driving.[su_youtube url=”http://youtu.be/AI0gk2KJeho”]
Realistically the man driving the Honda Civic can be a better father than the man driving the Beamer and sometimes you have to run that background check on him also. Most importantly understand his integrity as a man. Knowing his values and how he was raised will speak volumes and that’s the daddy you want for your child. That allows us to stop deadbeat dad syndrome; a side effect being Angry Single Moms.